Responsibility is a term that often comes up in a work context. Usually, it refers to duties, expectations, and making sure “things run smoothly.” But what the person in question also hears is: If I’m responsible, I have to have everything under control.

But this is exactly where the tension begins.

After all, true responsibility in everyday work life doesn’t mean controlling everything or being in charge of everything. Rather, it means understanding my own role in a situation and recognizing where my sphere of influence ends. Rationally, many of us are familiar with the Circle of Influence. Emotionally, however, we often feel responsible for much more than that.

Let’s first take a look at the two extremes:

• Too little feels like powerlessness: I can’t change anything anyway.
• Too much quickly leads to feeling overwhelmed: I’m responsible for everything.

Both options render the person incapable of taking action, which is unproductive, especially in everyday work life.

Especially in times of transformation, this is precisely where feeling overwhelmed and even paralysis arises. This happens when individual employees or leaders see a necessary step, but the organization does not (yet) want or recognizes them.

This may involve responsibility that has actually been delegated to individuals, or responsibility that has not.

In such cases, a different perspective helps:
Responsibility begins when I recognize that I am part of a situation, but not its sole cause.

Or to put it another way:
I cannot change others. But I can influence how I myself react to this situation, how I communicate, and how I act.

To many outsiders, the solution seems obvious. All they have to do is talk to each other.

And yes, that’s true. But especially when things have already reached a point of helplessness or overwhelm and even before that, it’s important to revisit Schulz von Thun’s “Four Sides of a Message” communication model. Every statement has four “ears” and four “mouths” that convey factual information, self-revelation, relational levels, and appeal.

It’s therefore important to double-check whether the intended message was actually received that way. Often, you can tell just by observing the other person’s behavior.

This is precisely where friction arises, especially under pressure, because the “antennas” that would normally pick up on the possibility that the other person might have understood something differently are no longer tuned in.

But in situations like these, it’s also important to look inward and consider what role you yourself play.

There’s a question I was asked many years ago that still prompts me to reflect: “Ms. Haag, is that actually your job or responsibility?”

Or to put it another way, have you ever asked yourself the following questions:

• Why do you keep trying to solve problems that are beyond your control?
• Why do you feel responsible for the other person’s reaction?
• Why do you feel you have to “save” situations for which you aren’t even responsible?

What often happens instead is one of the following two reactions:

1. It’s Everyone Else’s Fault

When relationships become difficult, the following thoughts arise, leading to a sense of helplessness:

• The others need to communicate more clearly
• Leadership needs to be more decisive
• The team needs to work together better

2. It’s my fault

In this case, the thoughts tend to be along these lines and can quickly lead to feeling overwhelmed:

• I didn’t express myself clearly enough
• I need to change something about myself and my behavior
• I need to convince the others better
• There’s something wrong with my thinking

Neither reaction is helpful, and the truth lies not in assigning blame but in the honest question that both sides can ask themselves:
What part am I playing in how this situation is unfolding right now and what part am I not playing?

Then it helps to be mindful of:

• the impact of your own words
• the tone of voice you use
• how you behave
• the personal interpretations that come into play
• which personal fears are being triggered at that moment

This form of self-reflection is not self-criticism; rather, it opens the door to possible solutions. If you are feeling helpless, this helps you to take action again; and if you’re overwhelmed, it helps to leave others’ burdens with them and not take them on as your own mistakes.

Perhaps it’s worth asking a simple question today:

In what situation do I currently wish for others to change? What can I change about my expectations, my behavior, or my communication to positively influence the situation?

This leads to options for action, with a clear understanding of where my own influence begins and where it ends.

“With her clear analysis and step-by-step approach, Ms. Haag managed to get to the heart of the matter.” Cora

Excerpt from a detailed review. Read the full version…