Have you ever wondered where your boundaries lie? In today’s world, where expectations come at us from all directions, it is often difficult to recognize exactly what really belongs to you and where you have to say “no”. I would like to use stories and personal experiences to show you how important it is to come to terms with your own boundaries – and how you can learn to set them step by step.

A look at everyday life – an example from family life

Imagine this: You live in a partnership based on equality. Both partners share everyday life – but you still constantly feel this invisible pressure. Although you both work, questions come up such as: “How do you manage with the children?” – Questions that your partner never gets to hear. Perhaps you internalized as a child that women should primarily be there for the household and children. Even if you made a conscious decision to pursue a career and therefore also to be happy, this old expectation keeps coming back to you.
Reflection impulse: How do you feel when such questions are asked of you? Do you recognize that inner voice that tells you that you need to do more?

Pressure at work – personal experiences with burnout

Do you know the feeling of always being the one who takes responsibility first? I remember a time when I constantly had the feeling that I had to jump in immediately – because the task had to be done. Within a project where I directly linked my personal success to that of the project, I never hesitated for more than a few seconds before taking on the task. Before I realized it, I was overstepping my own boundaries – until I admitted myself to hospital with a panic attack.
Reflection impulse: When was the last time you felt that you were giving too much of yourself? What was building up inside you?

What are our boundaries?

We often think of physical limits first – how far you can run, how high you can jump or how fast you can swim. But there is much more:

Social boundaries – your space in the community

Are you the one in your circle of friends who is always called when someone has a problem? You organize every outing together, take care of vacations, pets, homework and much more? You’re the “trouble-shooter” for all friends and acquaintances, the fairy godmother in the club? If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, it might be time to think about your social boundaries. Social boundaries help you to protect your time and energy and clearly define: “I’m here for you – but also for me.”

Reflection impulse: Does everything sometimes become too much for you, even if you love doing it? What if you also listened to your own needs?

Emotional boundaries – protecting your inner balloon

An image that has always helped me is that of a balloon: imagine that all your emotions – joy, sadness, anger – are inside your balloon. You are responsible for your feelings – just like everyone else is responsible for their own balloon. If someone tries to push their balloon into yours – by making derogatory comments or transferring grief – your own balloon may burst.
Reflection impulse: How do you react when you realize that other people’s emotions are carrying you away? Can you distinguish which feelings really belong to you?

How do you set your boundaries? – A personal path

Setting boundaries is a journey that requires you to stop and reflect again and again. Here are some steps that have helped me – and that might help you too:

1. Recognize and perceive:
   Notice when you feel overloaded or constantly available. For me, it was when I was fighting my way back out of burnout that I realized I was always putting my own needs on the back burner.
   Question for you: When was the last time you consciously felt your breaking point?
2. Reflect – Why do you find it so difficult?
   Think about whether fears of rejection, the desire for recognition or the deep need to be needed are preventing you from saying “no”.
   Ask yourself: What inner voices are stopping you from communicating your needs clearly?
3. Make concrete decisions:
   Define clear, realistic boundaries – be it one evening a week just for you or set times when you are unavailable.
   Ask yourself: What would help you create more space for yourself?
4. Communicate openly:
   Tell those around you about your new boundaries. Say: “I’ve realized that I often give more than I can and I want to think about myself from now on.”
   Reflection impulse: How can you formulate your needs in such a way that they are also understood by others? Do you know the limits of the people around you?
5. Check and adjust regularly:
   Boundaries are adaptable and individual – they should always be readjusted. Ask yourself: Are my boundaries working? Does it make me feel better?
   Ask yourself: How often do you take time to reflect on your personal boundaries?

Specific exercise for everyday life

Evening reflection:
Every evening before you go to sleep, take a few minutes and ask yourself, “Did I stick to my boundaries today?”

• If yes, then consciously praise yourself for this self-care.
• If not, think about what prevented you from doing so and whether it was okay due to the situation or whether you intend to work on this particular boundary in the future.

This exercise helps you to regularly listen to yourself and strengthen yourself.

Checklist – Your steps to healthy boundaries

🟨 Strengthen self-awareness: Pay conscious attention to your feelings and signs of exhaustion.
🟨 Question your inner voices: note which desires, fears or beliefs are preventing you from setting your boundaries.
🟨 Define concrete boundaries: Write down which boundaries are particularly important to you and define goals where you want to set them.
🟨 Communicate your needs: Practise stating your boundaries openly and honestly.
🟨 Regular reflection: Use the evening exercise to check whether you have kept to your boundaries.

Conclusion – more space for self-love

Setting boundaries is an act of self-love and a conscious decision to stand up for yourself. It is a way that helps us to live more authentically and reduce daily pressure. By recognizing and sharing your experiences, fears and needs, you create space for more balance, satisfaction and real quality of life.

Further information and outlook

If you would like to find out more about how you can learn to say no, I recommend this inspiring blog article:
Saying no is not that hard