On the journey of your life, which you may have imagined down to the smallest detail, there are always situations that challenge us. Temptations to take a different path, warnings to stay on your chosen course, or doubts about your own decisions are all situations you can influence. You decide whether to leave your path, adjust it, or simply keep going. But there are moments when your path is blocked, when you simply can’t move forward. That’s when it’s time to look for detours or to adjust your goal.
Changeable vs. Unchangeable: A Clear Distinction
It’s important to first distinguish whether you are in a situation that you can change or one in which you need to find a new way or even adjust your goal because it is unchangeable.
Changeable things are those you can actively influence—your daily decisions, your goals, and your behaviors. Examples include constant time pressure or your career development. These may often depend on others or external circumstances, but here you can make changes through your own behavior and take control. This sometimes also means asking for help. Changeable doesn’t necessarily mean easy to change; the crucial point is that through your actions or behavior, you can bring about a change.
On the other hand, unchangeable aspects of life are those outside of your control—like the death of a loved one, a divorce, losing your job, or an illness. They can also include things that don’t directly affect you, such as wars, natural disasters, and similar events. These are hard facts that cannot be changed. It often feels as if you’ve lost control over your life. The new situation can be so overwhelming that you feel powerless.
Burnout
I am sure you heard about the burnout syndrome. Maybe you even think you are suffering from it. Let’s find a way to make you stronger.
Life Balance
There is a lot of talk concerning finding your life balance. There is also more than one live balance model out there, but the one I like is from Nossrat Peseschkian.
Learn more
To identify the difference between changeable and unchangeable situations, it’s important to ask yourself, “Can I change this situation?” Often, changeable situations initially feel like they’re impossible to alter. You find yourself in a state of helplessness. Sometimes, it helps to take on the perspective of your best friend. If your best friend were in the same situation as you, what advice would you give them? But even if you find yourself in an unchangeable situation, there are things you can do to make yourself feel better!
The Path Out of Perceived Powerlessness
One important point is accepting the situation you cannot change. You can’t bring back a loved one who has passed away or magically heal an illness, even though we all sometimes desperately wish we could. Nor can you prevent or stop wars. There are just situations that are beyond your control. But this doesn’t mean that you are powerless in dealing with them.
The following four points can help you find acceptance:
- Accept Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, disappointment, or helplessness. These emotions are normal in your situation. There are no wrong or unnecessary feelings. Don’t try to suppress them. Just let them be for a moment and try to name them precisely. Maybe it’s a feeling of loss or loneliness. This could already give you clues for new paths.
- Focus on the Here and Now: Especially in challenging times, it’s hard to see the future. Concentrate on today; sometimes it’s hard enough just to get through the day! Take one step at a time, and slowly you’ll regain your control and strength. Sometimes this even means taking things hour by hour, and that’s okay too.
3. Set Small, Achievable Goals: This could mean dragging yourself out of bed, taking a shower, and starting the day. Or it could be looking at job listings for 10 minutes or writing one application a day—whatever your current situation requires.
Practice Self-Care: Be sure to do things that bring you joy. If you can no longer do what used to make you happiest, or maybe you’ll never be able to do it again, think about what exactly it was that made that activity so fulfilling. You might find something entirely new!
4. Often, we see a challenge as an insurmountable barrier because we focus on what we can’t change. In doing so, we overlook the fact that a change in perspective or conscious rethinking can help us find new ways to deal with the situation. This enables us to continue our journey, even if the goal or the path to it has changed somewhat.
To help you do this, try asking yourself the following questions:
- “If there were something positive in this situation, what would it be?” Yes, it’s not easy to look for the positive in a really bad situation. But this question helps you find a positive aspect of the challenge and might reveal a new way to handle it.
- “What can I learn from this situation?” Oh yes, another great question. Often, it’s easier to answer this in hindsight than in the moment. But try it anyway. Alternatively, you can ask yourself what the universe might be trying to tell you. Answering this question can show you new paths around the wall and help you regain control over the situation.
Takeaways:
- Recognize the difference between changeable and unchangeable
- Acceptance helps you overcome the feeling of powerlessness
- A change in perspective reveals new paths
- You can regain control over your life!
